WARNING: Extremely easy.

1. No coding knowledge needed.

2. No plan higher than Premium needed.

3. Therefore, no plugin needed.

4. Valid for any theme.

So here’s the thing.

It turns out WordPress.com Premium plans (30ish dollars a year) OFFICIALLY supports Google Analytics.

Here’s the steps:

1. Sing up on a Google Analytics account and create a G- Tracking ID.

2. On your WordPress.com Premium (or higher) plan domain’s Dashboard, navigate to:

Tools → Marketing → Statistics → Google Analytics and enter your previously obtained G- Tracking ID.

Seriously, I’ve spent half of the night going plain nuts over this, and it turns out it is actually as easy as this.