Tag: Personal

There, there (speaking to myself)

Don’t get me wrong. Or do.

I have this few friends, I do know how to speak to them.

But I still got this silly feeling that I speak better publickly.

It’s been a year now.

This gal. She may believe it or not.

She always were one of my outmost inspirations.

Both in art and in live.

She had come to my ‘hood. I had told her that bar had a great coffee brew.

And it did.

Nonetheless, I ordered a fucking glass of whiskey.

(…)

Chances are I was through some kind of a psychotic break myself.

Those are common in me. And I fucking better mind myself up with it.

Anyways. We were at a park after that.

I… I was in love with her.

And she. Well. She confessed to me she was with her bf (some Psysicist) just because he was writing her Ph. D. for her.

At that point my heart was torn to… Many million pieces?

Of course, I did speak to my psychiatrist about that.

He said that was some “desiderative” aspect of my own psychotic break (I thought she was through another… She did be through a lot).

He also told me if she was with her boyfriend out of some “freaking piece of paper” I considered myself capable of writing it as well.

And well… Some other psyquiatrist passed me through a Weschler IQ test at my age 5.

That was how Captchas had to be invented…

In all seriousness. Now I am fat.

I have been uncapable of starting the notebook in which I will (because I just fucking will) write my first novel.

Tons of notes here and there, tho.

I have been weeks now with this weird (and painful) feeling that I need to cry.

And I… I cannot.

Thanks for being here.

Off My Chest!

Off my chest.

I had been way too down for some days… Perhaps weeks now.

I was home alone when I decided to call a suicide prevention public number of my country someone had taken their time to share on Twitter.

First thing I say is my name is Daniel. She inmediately replies there is no need for me to say my name. That everything is confidential and anonymous.

As far as that can be great, I stand there is a freaking social need to speak about this.

We spoke for a 20ish minutes.

Aside from family issues I have no right to speak about publickly, we spoke, among other things,

About me feeling not realised as an artist, about the 9 years I have been now struggling with mental health (hard drug here; psiquiatry, antipsychotics).

About how I had spent 5 years with a psiquiatrist so bad to me I almost feel she attempted to kill me.

About how I spent eight months in a psiquiatric ward, which was only good for me to lose interest in living (…).

About how it confronted me with my parents…

We finally spoke about loneliness, about how I feel this sick world is lonely in itself.

She agreed with me, and I can tell by the tone in her voice she wasn’t lying.

We also spoke about my freaking 1** IQ points, about how either I wasn’t ready for this world or the other way around.

That woman has very likely saved my life.

Bless her.

Playing My own “Black” Card

Monopoly Cards.

I was going to make a hell of an argumentative text on this so-called Pandemic.

Referring to contradictions on mass media, Occam’s razor, or even the fact that everything that has been said, from virus and variants names to designed images shown, are Aesthetically identical to the means Mercadotechnia uses.

I don’t have the technical maestry to word it, alas.

Although I very can say:

“Listerine prevents cavities and stains”, while the ad shows images of two things people tend to fear for two reasons, namely illness and social outcasting.

And, “Delta variant is even deadlier and spreads much faster”. And no, I am not taking this any further.

I am not even going to mention a Social Retroengeenering model of fear, mass control, and plain global terrorism or massive fundamental rights vulneration, if thee consider.

As for vaccines. Of course, of course Sars-cov-2 was a thing. Of course it was. It exploded, many people died and then fucking fade out.

Getting vaccinned against Covid19 has the same impact (or risks, everything be told) as vaccinating yourself against leprosy would have.

Now let’s see how long this site stand up for.

–Prior.